Life has been good, yeah?Sometimes I feel that in each of us, there is this place that we tend to visualise or dream of.
This painting depicts the place where I have always been longing to be. Anyway..
Gurus persuade changes and set the scenes for the way we manage things and affairs in my country. I have come to adapt myself to this place where I live and perhaps I have learnt the set of corporate world behaviours in order to bring bread and butter to my home. I listen, and bow my head. Or I could raise my voice or use my tone of voice or even wave a pen ... Oh boy, have I changed so much? Where was the carefree boy I used to be? The one who once raced down the long corridor with little boy on wheelchairs?
I used to be rather "naughty" and non-conformist. I had a fiery zeal in my heart. I would fight and willingly champion a cause I felt so strongly for. Looking back, I could have offended many of those seniors who are still around today. I could lead and organise and train. I could fall madly in love with a subject and go without food and sleep 36 hours straight just to get it right. I would go far into another country just to search for the things I treasure. I would lie down on the ground and wait for that animal to be in the right place for a snapshot. That used to be me. But I have already learnt to fear and worry. I have learnt to delegate and trust, but I have learnt to worry. A LOT. Alas, I am already very very tired person now. My health is failing and so is my courage and zeal. My sleeps have begun with prayers on my bed as I lied down and asked God numerous times where else I could have been ...
So many years have passed and I had seen so many of my own "heroes" gone before me. I sincerely wished them all the best in wherever they go. They are probably much happier now, while we are still nurturing the next generation. I think the future "heroes" seem to be grown on much better milk and honey, and trained from nintendoes and counterstrike.
Maybe it is the Autumn of my life now, altho many would say it's still a bit too early for me. I have become pessimistic and to some, "negative". I looked at the friends whom I had to let go. And also the ones whom I have to keep till their paths have plateaued. All because of what I have to embrace as my own corporate religion. It is all but a learnt way to keep close to the cheese. But see how these cheeses get dangled and dragged around the corporate world, trailed by a string of mice. Besides, how many would we want to keep? I should find my own. I should depend on God, to place bread and butter. Not processed cheese that we have been conditioned to do acrobats for.
Ultimately, it is God in person, and not tablets and synagogues. I do not believe in clergymen anymore, as much as I would trust businessmen. Unless he comes in the name of God and as a man after God's heart. For me and my household, we shall love the Lord.
