This seems to be kind of standard...
That there should only be 1 leader in a pack?

That's the Packs model. It has either an alpha-male (wolves, Chimps) or a matriach (Hyenas, Elephants?). It works pretty well among the wolves and chimps. Just like the way Animal Planet paints it. But in human organisations too, I think it is like the 'expected', or the norm, to snarl, growl, or howl ... and let folks know you're the lead and they are the pack.

Humanly, when someone is first placed into a position of power, he has the tendency to prepare himself mentally to take the blame for anything that has happened, or he may blame his predecessors for the blames he thinks he has to shoulder. On the other hand, you may be different. The type that can't wait for that piece of the action where you can quickly go test out your newly endowed "prowess".

In my dept, I think power seems to lie in the one managing a piece of paper called the "ROSTER". When I was first posted to B1L2, I actually wasn't keen because just a month before that, I had just verbalised my intention to resign to my immediate supervisor. I always have this feeling that I should have been running a little self-operated cafe somewhere along a street in Ho Chi Minh City. (Don't mind even if it is in Australia, or Vienna!)

I had actually gotten a new place of work subsequent to that early notification. But I guess no one was really listening. The other hospital had been very good as to accept me even though I was still tagged with a bond-balance of 6mths.

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Anyway, life has spun a couple more rounds as usual since that day and I am still here in this hospital. But after running a 24/7 place for 6 years, I am now working at a single-shift place. The pace is faster here I guess. But I kinda don't mind this kind of excitement becos time pass very fast. There seems to be a certain kind of routines that a supervisor needs to perform on a daily basis. But managing a place that consists of a few smaller communities seems to be give the one running the "Roster" a certain sense of power. Somehow, I always feel that Roster isn't everything there is in exerting power. My friend had advised me to guard the roster becos of invested powers within that role.

I had worked at a hotel before, under a kitchen portering supervisor. He planned the roster and not only dictated what I had to on a hour-by-hour basis, but he also decided which resturant I was supposed to be attached to for the entire 3 months I was supposed to be there. If I had stayed on, I might have been stuck there for good. His office was rather dark, and cramped. He did not seem happy. I assumed turnover was high. His boss called him once in a while to give new instructions for the day/week. In turn, he assigned us duties on the fly. Like, go polish the rail-guides; go collect 2000 pieces of china spoon from the store. Go collect some brocoli. "Tonight want to do OT or not? As waiter ... Then go housekeeping collect your uniforms!" Hey, power hor?

Anyway, time passed so quickly. I am no more the pre-NS boy who worked at that hotel. Until recently, almost every year, I would go back and take a peep and see how they are doing. Last time I used to look forward to going back to work everyday. I stayed on in the resturant with the aunties who washed plates and cups. Cut fish, cut veg, crabs, prepare chilli etc. People thought I was lonely! But I enjoyed life then. I signed up as permanent (becos I hated school) butboth my sup, the banquet captain, and the Sous-de-Chef were against it and spent some time getting rid of me. I am thankful they did. They seemed to be beating round the bushes back then but now as I recall, they were pointing at the same thing. The captain has a son. His son studied ITE and he also did not encourage his son to work in the hotel industry. So likewise, he wanted me to continue with my studies. The Sous-de-Chef told me that he has another applicant. Late 40s and currently working at the same kitchen as I was. Boy, I disliked that lazy-bum. That man with a squarish koyok perpectually over one side of his temples. Sometimes both sides! He was suffering from migraine and he has been asking for a transfer. So, I being the younger one should not fight with him over the post. That was a blow to me then. I thought the SDC liked me. I cut fish skilfully, and did well and above my job. I was just a kitchen porter, but I was already performing both the duties of a commis-cook as well as a dishwasher. He told me his intention to accept that good-4-nothing and asked me not to apply to become permanent because he would definitely reject me. Anyway ... the sup did not say anything. He seemed ok if I joined and he would just roster me anyway! Basically, he had no career plans for me. Only my duties to assign to me. Or maybe one day, if I do well, I may be posted to work among those banquet porters serving VIP guests and polish their ash-trays? The AM was a cute guy. I liked him a lot. He interviewed me and got me the job. But that was not the reason why I liked him. I actually bumped into him on the bus, without his tie. When I finally cleared the maze and got into hotel admin office, I recognised him while he was just putting on his tie and sitting behind that desk called "Assistant Manager". Quite a big post that time, becos as far I was concerned, he weld the power to decide whether I could bring home the money to show my mum that I could finally earn money. I met him a 3rd time finally, and that was the exit interview. I did not know why need to have so many regulations and procedures. Resign means resign la, still talk so much for what. Anyway, thought no harm meeting him again and say good bye, thanks for giving me the job and 3 months of fun (got shit too). He asked me to reconsider and he could transfer me to another department if I wanted to. Apparently he had heard how I was bullied. But by then, I had already decided I should leave becos Kok Meng also not staying on, so no point. hehe... (youngsters map their flight plans very differently!!) In the end, that was my first official handshake with an AM in a big hotel. An AM actually shook hands with me. The one with the tie. I was just a playful bum in a smelly grey mandarin-collared shirt (and brown pants) at that time. Lsat minute just afew days before my last day of work at the hotel, I was told to go to the hotel admin office to meet the AM. I hurried there but got lost along the way because we were only allowed to use the back lift and I forgot how I got brought down the lift from the office a few months ago. BTW, didn't mention that we tend to smell because part of our jobs was to clear the rubbish from the kitchen 2 times a day. Kitchen wastes smell worse than those collected from the resturants ok? We collected a lot of dead carcasses like fish, prawns and crabs. U can imagine.

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A few years ago, my society had this big dinner. It was to be hosted at that particular hotel. I went abit early and was quite a pleasant surprise, I met the banquet captain who was addressing his crew. He recognised me tho I had fattened up a bit and introduced me to his crew. He told me the ones who got promoted to this and that and who subsequently got fired... etc etc. The chef was still around, but the aunties and thai chefs had all disappeared, except one. So, Power I realised, was transient. I was grateful to the captain for having talked to me like his son. He understood how I felt at that time when it was really confusing why everybody seemed to disregard what I thought was good work and rejected my application to continue with them. I was glad I went back and met him. He was happy as it affirmed what he did for me was the right thing to do. His son had graduated and started working elsewhere too. The mysterious cute girl (daughter of the F&B director) had never returned to the swimming pool too on Sundays. hehe. As I walked away while he continued briefing his crew, I overheard him telling them to study hard and work hard. "If you want to stay on and remain as waiters and waitresses all your life .... " Not sure if this is the right thing to motivate your staff tho, but looking back, I am thankful to him and also the Sous-de-Chef. The SDC is the highest level of authority where the kitchens are concerned. That hotel has a few kitchens, from Chinese, Thai, Western and staff. He planned all the menu! All the cooks kowtow to him and whenever he entered the kitchen, everyone was super behaving. I believed he retired liao, that time when I returned.

Power is really a transient thing. One year you can have it, the next year it is gone. I feel that real power lies in the power to influence and change lives, the lives of the staff who work under you. Which makes it seem like rostering can do the same for the staff who work in the department. I think roster is but a tool. It merely deploys. The men who rejected my application changed my life more than the one who could change my roster to suit how I wanted to live my life.

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Somehow I really resent facing confrontational folks. ANYWHERE. But in this dept, some people just have the knack for being that painful zit on the butt .. It seems they prefer many things their way and confront their supervisors. My friend told me that this could have been because of my personality as well. I hate confrontation, and so this tendency to give in. Maybe I have been "overly-friendly". "It's too inviting lah." "See, when you are too friendly with the staff, they will surely climb over your head one!"

There had been times when my authority was challenged openly in front of the rest. "You better really put your foot down and don't take this kind of nonsense."

There seems to be a certain pecking order in most places. Sometimes, the one who runs the roster is at the top of the pecking order. Anyone could lead like the alpha-male or matriach as much as he/she likes and dictates you do this or you do that. Just because your staff give that respect to your calls and hoots.

You can do all that in church too, and among all the youth groups. Surely, there will be people who admire you and people who will follow you. But to me, all these super-abilities that the leaders seem to have will only work by the grace of the people who will let you lead.

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I am keen to relinquish my post. I wish I could retire soon to pursue my dreams. But I still need to find the one who knows how to temper power with grace.

If we are not careful, we might all get more embroiled in bitter politickings one day.

Super (Boring) Long Weekend

Sometimes wonder if I have been chasing my tail again. The thoughts in my mind have been spinning round and round. I would really want to be a retail owner.

Anyway, life has been good. But I know it will not last forever. A long weekend has been wasted. I have still many plans to be implemented. Half yet completed tho already started. And I am still spinning around in my head what to do with my future... hihi.

Sometimes, life is an endless puzzle except that finished or not, no one can tell when the time's up to hand in your piece of work or masterpiece.

More choices

Hi, it has been a rather boring afternoon again. Tony came to show me some pictures of his friends. Chatted with Vu, Van and Hanh too as they came online for a moment.
Then let him used my pc to surf and check out air-tickets prices as he chatted with Yen.
While I watched some TV... Slept whole afternoon while mum and sis all went to TM.
Sounds like a pretty boring PH afternoon. Some might be waiting for the Good Friday concerts at church. I just felt very tired... whole week running about in the day, and reading emails and having meetings in the evening. Worked till between 9-10 pm almost everyday. Tuesday was best: 8.30pm. But still, went home finished some minutes taken from previous meetings.

Not sure whether I will be able to adapt to this habit of minutes, meetings, followed by more meetings and then minutes... After a particular meeting which I had, I came back and reported to one of my sup and asked if I could update her. Was told to email to her the details .... but, minutes will come later. Or, was it because she does not trust what I had wanted to update her and fear that I might mislead her with misinformation? Not sure what was the reason.... but anyway, I fully understand. That's management.

Not sure if I should be continuing in management line tho... I am more suited to small retail-like kind of business. Not complicated and huge multi-departmental corporations ... I don't like politics, whether they are white or in any kind of shades .... I just don't feel I could get used to it. Though the stings have left... I will never know whether history will recur. There are choices one makes of course. But certain choices, you can't decide whether your choice had already been pre-determined for you.